


The Price of Love

by InTheShadows



Series: I've Got 99 Problems and Narnia Caused Most of Them [4]
Category: Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types
Genre: Don't copy to another site, Female-Centric, Feminist Themes, Gen, Post-Prince Caspian, The Problem of Susan, emotions are messy, expectations of parents are hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:46:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22410499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InTheShadows/pseuds/InTheShadows
Summary: Susan's mother joins her as she is getting ready for the party. The party, supposedly to lift morale, that is more of a chance to unwind and let the sons and daughters flirt. That is certainly on her Mother's mind enough, as she soon begins naming them as she helps Susan get ready. Susan understands of course. This is her mother's duty. This is something she can still do, even for a daughter so changed from something she doesn't know anything about. That doesn't mean it is necessarily easy to bear though. It never is.
Relationships: Susan Pevensie & her Mother
Series: I've Got 99 Problems and Narnia Caused Most of Them [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1531364
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	The Price of Love

Her mother joins Susan as she sits at her vanity, applying her powder and blush. Susan glances up at a knock to see her standing in the doorway, smiling. She is already dressed herself, hair done and jewelry on. She looks splendid. 

“Oh don’t you look lovely my dear,” she says, coming over to stand behind her, “You are growing up to be such a beautiful young lady.” 

“Thank you,” Susan says as she carefully smooths her brush across her face. 

“All the boys won’t be able to take their eyes off of you,” she continues, “It was such a good idea of Maria to have this party. It is just what everyone needs to lift their spirits during this dreadful time. Good morale is half the battle you know.”

Oh Susan knows more than her mother will ever realize. She knows just what good morale can do to bring victory - and how quickly bad morale can hurt an army. First hand experience is better than any teacher. Although how this party is going to help the soldiers fighting is unclear. Still though soldiers aren’t everything. So she smiles and nods. 

“I also happen to know that a certain Phillip Black is going to be there. And he has been asking about you,” she tells Susan in a conspiratorial tone, “Not only that. A certain Jacob Flynn as well. He is set to ship out soon, but he still has a few more weeks before he leaves.” 

Susan is able to keep a smile on her face only through long practice. It is not that she necessarily has anything against either of the boys - Phillip especially is quite handsome - but they both want too much too fast from her. Even if she was looking to marry right out of school, they are moving too fast. Jacob wants to have a girl waiting for him at home when he goes off to war. Phillip is looking for a wife of proper breeding to appease his father. Neither prospect is something she wants. 

War time romance is of course a thing, but she barely knows them. They are strangers that she flirts with because it is fun. The idea of marriage is still something she is against, but that does not mean she has sworn off boys. Flirting is the closest thing to holding court she has anymore. It reminds her of good memories, mostly. As long as there is no commitment involved then boys are fine. No commitment means that they cannot trap you. 

It’s not as if she is completely heartless about it. She’s never intentionally lead someone on. And she is careful not to give the wrong impression either. She won't have her reputation ruined over a misunderstanding. Any boy who looks to be getting too close she distances herself from. There are other, better, girls for them. Ones that will go with them much more willingly. Excitedly even. 

“So,” her mother coaxes, “no big reaction from either of those two then? Do you have your eye on someone else instead?” 

Susan finishes applying her blush and shakes her head. “No. Although do you know if William is going to be there?” Of all the boys she talks to Wiliiam Xavier is the safest one - for a number of reasons. 

Her mother smiles knowingly. “In fact I do know he will be. That William is such a gentleman, I must say. He would make a wonderful husband if you decided to pursue him.” 

Marriage is the last thing either of them are looking for. That’s one of the reasons William is so attractive to her. She knows that he is not a threat. Equally he is aware that she is not a threat to him. Although he had been alarmed at first, when he found out that she realized, now that has passed. They get along wonderfully because it is a pact of mutual benefits. 

Nor does it hurt that he has a wonderfully dry sense of humour. He has a quick wit and delights when she is able to keep up with him. Mutual respect as well as protection. Is it any wonder they enjoy each other’s company? He truly is a blessing. 

She keeps her silence though, returning her mother’s smile through the mirror. It’s not as if she can say any of this. That would be disastrous for a number of reasons. That seems to be the norm these days. There are so many things she can’t say. Things she does not utter. Where before her relationship with her mother was defined by her fussy care it is now defined by Susan’s silence. Her unspoken words. 

Narnia changed everything. It is not just her and her siblings that changed. It changed the way they see the world - both of them - the way they thought, their relationships with everyone. Their parents are not excluded from that. It must be bewildering, to send one’s children away and then have them return so changed. Almost as if they were different people all together. To wonder at the change, for surely it couldn’t have been the war. Not fully. To have the results without the explanation. 

To her credit, their mother never demanded an answer. Nor did their father. They took everything in stride, continuing to provide and care for them as always. And if at times they simply stared as if they did not recognize them? It was never spoken of. 

Still Susan believes it is one of the reasons that her future is being so focused on. This their mother can do. This is something she knows and understands. To help Susan properly secure her future is an important task. A needed one. It is a way to reconnect and reestablish herself. There is no guess work here. This is the duty of every mother and one she does gladly. 

It’s hardly her fault that it is something Susan no longer has any interest in. That the very idea of this turns her stomach. That she has no intentions of following down this path. Not anymore. Her mother is doing her duty the only way she knows how. It’s not her fault Susan is so different now. It’s not something she would understand. 

That doesn’t stop the knowledge from breaking her heart. Just a little bit. They had been close when she was a child. Now she has grown into a woman her own mother wouldn’t recognize if she knew. How can she not mourn that? 

She applies her lipstick, slowly and expertly, tracing her lips and nothing else. That done she stares at herself in the mirror. A version of herself stares back. Pale, smooth skin. Pink cheeks. Red lips. Long hair framing her face. It is a description straight out of a fairytale. As if she is Sleeping Beauty or Snow White, waiting for her prince to come. The day she will be rescued. 

“How beautiful my daughter is,” her mother smiles happily. She stands directly behind her in the mirror as if she is guarding her. Or giving her away. 

The version of herself smiles. “Thank you,” she says lightly. Modestly. 

“Would you mind indulging your mother this once? I’d like to do your hair.”

Susan nods. 

Pulling up a stool she sits. The only thing visible are her hands as they run through her hair. The rest of her is an outline. “I remember when I used to do this when you were a child. Lucy was always a restless one, never sitting still, but you would let me do this for hours.” A comb glides through her dark waves. 

Susan remembers that. She remembers how her mother loved to braid her hair, combing it, styling it. She had been her little princess then. She also remembers how she loathed it. Even before she had been aware of them, the expectations had weighed on her. All she had wanted was to play with Peter. To run and jump and play. But that was not how a young lady behaved. And it so tangled her hair when she did. Thus the reason her mother began styling it to begin with. 

Lucy was the baby of the family. Lucy had been indulged. When she ran and jumped and played it was cute. When Susan had she should have known better. She should behave. Her mother forgets what Susan was like before she bowed to expectations that she did not understand. Memory is funny like that. 

The version of herself continues to take shape as her hair is gathered up in a simple half braid. It is a beautiful look - graceful, lovely and practical all at once. All hail Susan the Gentle. 

Susan the practical. 

She had been neither by nature. The world made her what she is. If they are dissatisfied with the results then they only have themselves to blame. Susan had listened to what they wanted. She had bowed to their will. A child, no matter how stubborn, can only hold up under so much pressure for so long. 

Well no more. Now she will take that and turn it against them. She still doesn’t know how to do that exactly. A plan is forming, slowly, in her head. But it is not complete. There are too many unknown factors as of yet. Some things cannot be rushed no matter how much she might wish otherwise. 

Rushing leads to mistakes. Mistakes are not something she can afford. Not yet. Not this soon in the game. She does as she always had - she watches and she waits. Chess is not the only thing she is good at. She has also picked up some skills from Edmund as well. They mix quite well with her own. 

Her mother adds one last pin before declaring, “Perfect.” 

Susan makes a show of looking at herself, smiling in approval. She does look good, there is no denying that. She is beautiful. That is not vanity talking, but fact. “Yes you did a wonderful job. Thank you mother.” 

She hugs her, careful not to mess either of their outfits up. “Of course you are welcome. You are my daughter, I would do anything for you. You know that right?” 

Susan meets her eyes through the mirror. “Yes. I love you, Mother.” 

“And I you dear. Now I have to add a few finishing touches to myself and then I will be ready to go. We can go see your William.” A squeeze of her shoulders and a wink. 

Susan looks down, affecting a shy smile. “Alright.” 

“Only a moment or two more,” she reassures and then is gone. 

Susan holds her posture for another half a minute before allowing herself to slump down. Her shoulders curve inward and her back loses it’s stiffness. Right now she is not a queen, but a young girl. A girl tired of a fight that has barely begun. Or maybe of a fight that has been going on for too long. It all depends on your point of view she supposes. 

Even the strongest tree must be able to bend if it does not want to end up broken. She finds that she is more of a willow than a mountain. She does not fault herself for that. 

Then this version of herself looks up again, meeting her own eyes. This is the closest to the queen she was that she will ever get. Close, so close, and yet so very far away. Did she not do the same in Narnia? Put on the same mask? The same expectations? Susan the Gentle. Susan the beautiful daughter of Annabeth. It comes down all the same, does it not? Different stakes, but the same game. How can the others not see that? How can Lucy complain when it is all but the same? 

She had a mask in Narnia surely as she has one now. Perhaps it was a better mask. An easier one to bear. But it was one all the same. How can no one see that? How long will it take someone to understand? Some days she despairs that anyone ever will. Is she destined to hide herself all her life? To be forever misunderstood? Her dark thoughts insist yes, this will always be the case. 

Yet it cannot go on forever. She must believe that or she will truly go mad. One day she will have someone, gender aside, who will see. Who will accept. One day. One day. 

The version of herself continues to stare at her. 

It is a version she barely recognizes. 


End file.
